a birthday post

it's been some time i din blog.. so erm. indeed, my mood changed better recently. not as moody as when i first started sem 2. anyway, i'm 19 already, can. you. believe. it! HAHA. :D i'm almost an adult.. almost. lol.

remember i mentioned something like i was afraid i would be alone on my 19th birthday since it's the 1st time not celebrating with family. but guess what! i had one of the most memorable birthday a few days ago in kl! i never know i would have so many people with me on my birthday this year..

on my birthday's eve, i went to ice skating at sunway with some sunway ipoh girls and some guys. it was my 1st time there! can you believe, staying in sunway almost a year and never stepped into the ice rink till that day? -.- i really had fun that night with all the laughter and screaming. thanks to those guys who like jokers playing fool around! HAHA. and we had buffet steamboat after that.

on my birthday, indescribable surprised and shocked by my bff's surprise plan. idk how to describe in words about the whole thing but.. seriously she made my day and she has done so much just for my birthday. i appreciate it lots <3 i got my dream birthday girft from her- TEDDY! <3 <3 <3 i feel i'm the luckiest girl on that day :) and dinner with sunway people at night. and and.. i got some presents from coursemates too! this is kind of unpredictable laa. haha..

and presents from xin ci pei ni hui nee are indeed memorable ones! i love you girls lots. my high school besties :) and and.. the epic one, video from matrikulasi selangor by my high school deskmate and xiao wen, my old friend since lower primary!

the moment your friends gave you presents you accidentally mentioned somewhere while shopping with them.. precious!

so yea.. it's a birthday post hehe.

thank you for everything, my best friend forever. <3

vday 2012

it's valentine! yea.. i wish the world happy valentine's ahha.. though i know it's kind of inappropriate for those who are single but be happy! vday is a day of love, can family love, siblings love and FRIENDS LOVE. <3 <3 <3

recently addicted to a chinese love song by olivia, 海枯石烂.. it's really nice!!
*tears dropping while listening to the song.. too many things struck my mind*

suddenly thought of something lame (just saying anyway),
i'm going for bed after 12am, i wanna wait and wait till the last second of vday 2012.. to wait for a miracle which won't happen.

#damn random

a long post of craps

i remember i mentioned things like blogging less means i'm more happier, it's not for now. i din blog for a week more i guess but this doesn't show i'm more happier nor less emo etc. i was sick past 2 days.. i even facebookng less so, yea.. anyway. i've nothing much to blog but to tell blogspot, i'm still as emo as before. i meant things never change into any better. maybe they do but i don't realize.. anyway, audrey definitely makes me feel better these day. having a best friend is more than enough. seriously. after all, i have more than one :D yea.. high school friends rocks.

i remember before coming back to kl xin ci texted me about take care stuff and one line i won't forget: 'dun emo and imba dy' HAHAH.. true! hopefully la. hahah.. erm. yea, kinda imba this day, same old problem.

and what audrey posted on my fb wall, 'don't depend too much on anyone in this world, because your shadow leaves you when you're in darkness' actually woke me up. this is the reality of life indeed! anyway, the touching part was the caption 'but you can depend on me (her)' you know. when you're about to cry and you see things like this from your bff, your tears will flow immediately not because of your problems but the best friendship with someone else.. and then you know, no matter how bad your life is right now, there's always someone.. besides your family. that's why. i never really think a bf for a girl is important maybe because i'm blessed with many good and genuine friends around, old friends esp :)

*****

my 19th birthday is coming real soon.. it'll be my first time in my life so far not getting to celebrate my birthday with family. it sounds a lil bit pathetic. :( and worse still my best friend and close ones are not with me.. seriously. i scared emo strikes me that day and i'll be having my 19th birthday in tears :'( i dont want! okay.. but i cannot expect everything in my life is just so perfect. never mind. as long as i don't care too much, i'll be less sensitive and small matters around me won't affect my mood. *hopefully*

p.s problems in my life are all caused by being too sensitive :/ i know my problems, not like i don't wanna get it over but.. but.. idk. maybe i haven't really gotten the sense of 'security' in life which shapes me this way. -.- sighhhhhhh strategy: keep myself busy all the time :D

daily promise: i'll be more and more happier over the time :) nwx today is always the happier one compares to the yesterday's. tomorrow will be better *wink*

actually right, i wonder my coursemates see a different (many differences) in me after i came back for sem 2. HAHAH. such a good ques before seeking for some comforts. -.- but i do realize people here are less-caring compare to those i have in high school. no offend anyway. *smiling all day long is no longer a symbol of happiness* and i think it's pretty obvious i'm less cheerful :/ and sorry for the long post. only emo people can produce a meaningless long post of craps like this.

best friend - jason chen

i wanna share a song by jason chen which i really love very much. not like i have the same experience like what the song referring to, but somehow part of the lyrics is what from my heart too.

Best Friend- Jason Chen. go listen wey! ahaha..
''Do you remember when I said I'd always be there.
Ever since we were ten, baby.
When we were out on the playground playing pretend.
Didn't know it back then.

Now I realize you were the only one
It's never too late to show it.
Grow old together,
Have feelings we had before
Back when we were so innocent

I pray for all your love
Girl our love is so unreal
I just wanna reach and touch you, squeeze you, somebody pinch me
This is something like a movie
And I dont know how it ends girl
but I fell in love with my Best Friend

Through all the dudes that came by
And all the nights that you'd cry.
I was there right by your side.
Do you remember when I said I'd always be there.
Ever since we were ten, baby.
When we were out on the playground playing pretend.
Didn't know it back then.

Now I realize you were the only one
It's never too late to show it.
Grow old together,
Have feelings we had before
Back when we were so innocent

I pray for all your love
Girl our love is so unreal
I just wanna reach and touch you, squeeze you, somebody pinch me
This is something like a movie
And I dont know how it ends girl
but I fell in love with my Best Friend

Through all the dudes that came by
And all the nights that you'd cry.
I was there right by your side.
How could I tell you I loved you
When you were so happy
With some other guy?

Now I realize you were the only one
It's never too late to show it.
Grow old together,
Have feelings we had before
When we were so innocent.

(Chorus)

I know it sounds crazy
That you'd be my baby.
But you mean that much to me.

'Cause nothing compares when
We're lighter than air and
We don't wanna come back down.

But I don't wanna ruin what we have
Love is so unpredictable.

But it's the risk that I'm taking,
Hoping, praying
You'd fall in love with your best friend

(Chorus) x2

I remember when I said I'd always be there
Ever since we were ten.
When we were out in the sandbox [playground] playing pretend.
Didn't know it back then...

Now I realize you were the only one
It's never too late to show it.
Grow old together,
Have feelings we had before
When we were so innocent.

(Chorus)

I know it sounds crazy
That you'd be my baby.
But you mean that much to me.

'Cause nothing compares when
We're lighter than air and
We don't wanna come back down.

But I don't wanna ruin what we have
Love is so unpredictable.

But it's the risk that I'm taking,
Hoping, praying
You'd fall in love with your best friend

(Chorus) x2

I remember when I said I'd always be there
Ever since we were ten.
When we were out in the sandbox [playground] playing pretend.
Didn't know it back then...''

chatted with friend tonight about some past history and yea.. girls' talk. emotions rushing over my body right now. yea, i'm thinking of all those craps again, those MEMORIES and FEELINGS.
i love the way we share stories and feelings, i love getting to know your stuffs and happy things. but then again.. idk what my mind wants it to be, to be happy for you or to feel sad? sad as in empty, disappointed etc. sometimes or most of the time i'm weeping while pretending to 'haha' when you're telling me your happy stories with the one you falling for. i never expect you to understand my feelings but i'm really glad you're willing to share your life with me. p/s in case you see this, do continue sharing your stories with me, i will be a good listener, and i do feel happy for you, sincerely.

it's like what in the lyrics,
''How could I tell you I love you
When you were so happy
With some other?''

retail therapy

i was being very moody, undeniably. i admit it.. but then again, why don't people just try to understand me more or at least ask what actually bugging me in my mind right now.. (maybe people din even realize i change since i was back for sem 2)

anyway, it's not a big matter or something very consequential.. it will not likely to give me a big impact on my life or something.. just some silly random thoughts making me moody. yea..

today received a call from my friend who asked me to go sunway hang out with her as she's quite free.. so of course i went. i need distraction to avoid thinking too much during free time. i went and had a good time. i bought a lot of stuffs.. not really but accessories, blouse and shorts. to me, it's already consider a lot as i seldom buy so many stuffs at a time.. so yea.. and i went to starbucks, zhia's kitchen, ochado and JCO for FOOD ONLY. wtf? yea. i enjoy spending money as if they come easily (i know they aint) but do forgive me.. cs i think retail therapy and spending money like this helps. my mood changed into a much better one already. i will thank my friend for this of course, without the call, i wont't be in sunway shopping.. and tonight probably another emo night again.. so tq ya.

i really feel being in a good mood changes all situations. everything seems to be so well going tonight after i recover from depressed state (hopefully it's a full recovery).. i remember friends used to tell me not to look things at 1 perspective and not to care too much. caring less, not to take things that serious makes me feel happier and lighter like now. i won't care what had happened. lets bygones be bygones.. and just be myself. again, it's my life. I WON'T CHANGE MYSELF JUST TO PLEASE PEOPLE.. esp friends. cs most of them are just acquaintances. they are not worth for me to change myself. who do you think you are? z. unless they are my bff. if not, i will stay who am i :)

I DECLARE I'M BACK INTO A HAPPY CHEERFUL GIRL :) after this retail therapy at sunway HAHAHAH

p/s i blog more when i'm emo/ moody. blogging less is a good sign. i wish i am happy everyday and leave this blog abandoned HAHA

a day of frustration

okay. it's the 2nd post of the day.. a day of frustration: -

- stupid laptop wireless card not powerful enough! online that time keeps lagging. i seriously can't stand connection like this!

- weather is too hot! i can't take it. the fan in my room is in the center and my 'section' is at the side. i can't feel the fan! i.hate.warm.weather

- random thoughts are annoying. they are prohibiting me from progressing.. as in a positive way.

#$%@

conclusion: i'm not in the right mood.. because of *erhem*

***

sometimes i feel i trust people very easily. i only know x for less than 3 months that time and i've told x almost my most deepest secrets. idk. i THOUGHT x will be a real best friend and i really feel telling her my problems will help. HMM.. i was kind of right at first, but definitely not now anymore. idk. silly thoughts like: 'what if one day x unfriend me and broke x's promise on keeping my secret?' 'what if x actually feel bad about what i told x but denied at first?' what if..if all these really happen, i shall slap myself and shout 'NEVER TRUST PEOPLE EASILY' at myself. i'm such a failure :/

gonna hit the sack soon. nights.

p/s i never invited people to my blog.. oh! i did. maybe just ONE of my friend.. the others who are viewing this probably get to know through others or stalking me? haha. anyway, my main point is I TREAT THIS AS MY DIARY OR SOMETHING, SO IF YOU ARE MENTIONED IN MY BLOG, DON'T GET OFFENDED. YOU CAN ALWAYS LEAVE THE PAGE AND.. IT'S MY WAY OF EXPRESSING. so.. yea :) tata.

i seriously hate people giving me the 'duh, sure not!' 'what else? of course laa..' 'told you so many times, i'm NOT' look and reaction. i don't mind these kinds of reaction if they stick with their so-fcking-sure-decision in the end. BUT THEY ARE NOT. they changed their decision in the end and said nothing about it. where's your 'duh, of course!' ?

f that b*tch