after a long spell of silence

so, guess what? it's already 2012. the previous post was in march last year fyi. so what makes me coming back to blogger again? i'm not sure but i think i need somewhere to scribble, i'm still thinking to continue keeping a diary like i used to or come back to blogger.. hmm.

i don't really feel like letting others to read all my previous posts which seem so much not matured (i'm still not very matured anyway) so i removed all the history gadget thingy. HOHO.

after all these explanation sounding paragraphs, HAPPY NEW YEAR peeps :) it's a brand new year ahead.. so yea. NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS time.. not gonna post my new year resolutions outhere anyway.

nights, world.

i got my spm results yesterday.. it just went bit unexpected. it's good i don't deny.. but dont really feel too good. seeing results from others i some how feel i dont deserve the grades. im not being fake but it's true.. come on. i know my own standard, i know who should be better than me and the list is so long.. lady luck must be with me that month :) be grateful anyway. thank you to all teachers, friends and parents. undeniable they are all supporters :)

*idk how to tell people my feeling, i feel shameful of my results.

*not forget to mention my accounts teacher, i love you :)

18th birthday

my birthday was few weeks ago but i feel like writing something on it :) it was a normal birthday like how i celebrate every year.. i never celebrate with my friends so far on my birthday.. it'll be before or after usually. so, same for this year, i had dinner outside with my family and we had a cake something like that. but this year.. i'm very happy. it's so touching receiving presents and cards from my friends.. it's not a school day, not like last time when we can see each other everyday in school, can pass birthday presents to each other easily, but they asked me out to give me presents. im really very happy this year :) and of course every birthday wish from my friends i appreciate a lot. and also the surprise video from audrey and what lei voon did for me X) it's very touching really. i love you <3

on my lunar birthday, i even took vegetarian for the first time.. and i went to temple too. hahaha. i'll do that if possible every year :)

:/

i want to talk about a friend today..
i knew her since form2, but i knew about her existance since primary school.. she's popular, pretty and clever. she's responsible as well. in f2, we din know each other much, she had her own gang and im like can't enter their circle. in f3, we were getting closer yet not very close.. i think our very first heart to heart conversation was in f4, when many relationship problems flooded her. i think it was the toughest time she ever met in secondary school life. she suffered a lot that period, about 6months? however, it was when she and i get closer and closer.. we chit chatted a lot that time and we were like so understand each other. i still remember there were a few continuous night she cried and phoned me. we had phone calling even till very late.. i really very pity her that time but now when i think back, i realised our best memories all built in that short period of time.. now...

im trying very hard to get closer with her nowadays but it seems i get nothing in return. i know we shouldn't hope for return after putting in effort in a friendship but somehow i just wish we can back like last time.. now she's like avoiding me and.. i feel like she isn't care about me anymore. some time ago i was in some trouble and she's one of my friends that i hope will come to me and listen to me. but.. im actually telling her 'hey! i need you, can you come to me' but sigh.. many things laa. idk what to say but.. i really feel very disappointed to her. she'll never see this and will not know how i feel towards her unless i talk to her and.. i will. i will write to her.. now we'd left our school, no longer be classmates and meet each other everyday. if i don't talk to her, our friendship will never improve.

* you'll never know how much i hurt when you are so close with my friends around but not me.