sigh..

haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz haiz

the poem 'life brief candle' which we learnt in form 1 english literature came across my mind..
life is indeed transient.

okay, actually it is like this..

I have such a friendship problems for years, this problem exist since dont know when.. but I just realized its present recently. so, I was quite moody this few weeks.. the 1st person I told was to phuishi, I just mentioned about it and didn't say much about.. wednesday night, something strike my mind and I suddenly feel like telling it to weng wai, I sent her messages of around 15 pages long.. surprisingly, she din give any appropriate response.. : ( maybe my msg was a summary, she cant understand well or what.. may be she herself is having something else to worry..? yesterday morning, before lessons start in school, we chat for a while. she gave me some advice as she experienced such thing before.. I feel better than. BUT, after recces, something strike my mind again, and uncontrollable.. I cried. weng wai wasnt there that time, so I told everything to nee.. I talked to her, so she und more and she advised me. I really cried yesterday.. seriously that type. I think I had really pour out everything..

actually that problem is a very common one and most of the people experience it.. my friends around too.. I believe. it seems nothing to most of the people, but matters me a lot. I am a very sensitive person, I see things thoroughly, from tips till the end, every single thing that happen, every single behaviour and attitude of my friends around, I mind. but my friends around are not as sensitive as me.. or I should say, not sensitive at all..? it's just as simple as that..

now I am feeling better.. real. since I cant change the fact, why don't I change the way I think.. as nee told me. after school yesterday, I cried at home and I slept at 7.30pm! omg. it's so early.. I slept while crying.. I slept soundly and comfortably yesterday night. after about 10++ hours slept, I feel 'lighter' today.. relief and in a good mood now : )

to nee,
THX. a big thank you to you.. for being such a good listener to me. Im glad to have you as my close friend. and feel grateful too. =]

to weng wai & lei voon,
I know something had happened, but dont too worry dy. honestly, 2 of you cant make any difference lor.. I think la. especially weng wai, I am in trouble and I need you to stand beside me and guide me, support me.. you yourself must be tough.. I feel sad when I see you crying and look sad. honestly. if you feel like telling me what's happening, I am willing to lend you my ears, as what you always do to me. : )

yesterday, I was touched by michelle's present.. It is the best birthday present I'd ever received. thanks lots. I cried of too gan dong. we know each other since 11 years ago.. we've been classmates for 11 years, primary 1 till now, form 5. 11 continuos years we together in the same classroom, facing the same teachers.. about the changes on me throughout these 11 years, I guess she knows well.. may our friendship lasts forever..

we've known each other by chance,
become friends by choice,
still friends by decision,
and when we say FRIENDS FOREVER,
that is definitely a lifetime promise..

( actually this was something xin ci wrote in the letter for me on my birthday =])

you don't ignore me ler..

I told myself this yesterday..
I mustn't cry that often dy.. big girl now. 17 dy!!

today, I cried 2 times.. for different reasons. sometimes, I wonder.. anything wrong with my tear glands? is it I have double the number of glands others have? why I can cry that easily? anytime, anywhere, with anyone..

case 1: due to some disappointment
case 2: scared of something until cry : ( over worried? yea I think..

happy birthday~~!!

so, yea.. I'm 17 now. heess.. got to say a big

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to myself..

as my cousin, edmund said: sang sing did lor..
yea. I mustn't that rebellious dy.. haha. but, isn't me always that guai? XDD

as most of my friends said: dai guo lui lor.. cannot always cry like babies dy..
I agree on this, I've been crying too often throughout this 16 years.. must learn to control!
* but it isn't an easy thing to control tears from falling : )

thank you a lot on presents and cards given by my friends.. and of course all the birthday wish I receive this few days.. even to DIGI. digi wish me happy birthday too.. -.- but why hotlinks din? XD

I almost cry on yesterday night.. and today too. yesterday night at 11.58pm, I received a very special birthday wish from a very special person : ) THANKS THANKS THANKS lots.
you really shocked me! I thought you'd slept b4 11pm.. =]
* this person is not anyone else but xxxx : )))))

today, I requested a birthday wish from one of my friends whom I didnt talk with for years dy.. due to some er.. misunderstanding? and that friend wish me.. haha. though this bday wish came a bit weird, I do appreciate it lots too. =]

today I only eat a slice of cake, din buy a big 1 for celebration because I've a habit- celebrating birthday and eat cake on my 农历 birthday.. I know most of you will be like 'huh? weird nya.' I know it's a bit different.. but I did that for passed few years dy. lol.

******dreams come true ******




















a SLICE of cake : )
* I haven't eat















230210















dinner at a cafe near my house.
*taste so-so

today I feel a bit different... finally that things had gone.
phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
sigh of relief :)

p/s: I seriously need vitamin c now!!

just back from kl..
tomorrow school starts..
dont feel like going..

quite emo these few days, my mood is changing at high rate. hmm.. I really dont want to go to school.. dont why, just dont feel like going. nothing to elaborate more on my feelings, too much feelings Im having NOW.

so yesterday we went to my uncle's new house.. lalalala. his house is exactly my DREAM HOUSE. I like the main concept of the houses there, no gate at all.. some more there isn't any wall fencing between the 2 neighbours. all the people there need not worry on their safety, the security there is soooooo strict. when we enter that area, we were questioned and registered, I mean the driver of the car entering. the driver need to show his IC and scanned before we are allow to enter. and they have rondaan by guards on bicycle and motorcycle hourly. the area there is so nice, all the designs of houses look so attractive.. maybe it seems quite common to others, but for me who live in a neighbourhood with no securuty guards, it's quite special.. especially the open concept. love it lots... =] and the interior decoration of my uncle's house is nice too.. hmm. the area there is setia eko park, far away from shopping malls, cafes etc. I guess it's the only part that make the area imperfect. lol

*moooooooooooooooooodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

soooooo full.. yesterday I went to jj with michelle, gan and junyeng.. I'd ben there since 11am and back at 7pm++. w watch the movie, err... (forgotten the title) it's a movie on wars and a bit China history thing one. we had our lunch at black canyon, I ate spaghetti and again spaghetti for my dinner at food n tea with my parents. lol. I ate damn lots yesterday.. haha. don't care about the weight 1st, just

enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyed. hees =) we took some pictures and I love them lots. c=

I received a message, I found it quite nice and I forward to my friends:

if A is 1, B is 2, C is 3.... Z is 26,
L+O+V+E = 54
F+R+I+E+N+D+S+H+I+P = 107
so, friendship is 2 times stronger than love
FRIENDS FOREVER = )

and 1 of my friends replied: 'love means long live, friends come and go.. they are just like a ship, they stop at the harbour a while and leave...'
I was like =.='', though what she said is true.. SOMETIMES. but I know, my friends are not the ships she meant, they leave the harbour but stop forever in my heart and I do stop forever in theirs =]

in mph, on one of the cover of a notebook, it says:
'' see the invisible,
touch the intangible,
strive for the impossible''

so, LET'S STRIVE FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE. =D

hmm.. cny hols almost end and school going to start again. sigh.. normal school life begins =(
BUT..

homework for cny hols:
add maths mastery exercise done
add maths chapter review 9 done
add maths workbook not done
Chinese 'jian bao' half done

:( tomorrow going to kl, will be back only on Sunday. if I cant finish tonight.. HOW HOW HOW?? wuwuaaa TT

anyway, I didnt really regret for not managing my time well during this 1 week cny hols.. though it's quite boring and it's undeniable too:D I enjoyed. I ate a lot and took lots of photos but lazy to upload. lol.

yesterday, my dad's cousins came to my house to bai nian.. lol. one of my dad's cousins' son is sooooooo cute. idk what's the relationship between us, not my cousin.. too far away, our hubungan persaudaraan. he's only 4 years old but the way he speaks and his behaviour seem so mature. lol. his look isn't verrryyy cute, but his attitude and behaviour is. when I touch his stomach, he said me rude worr.. =='' a 4 year-old-boy saying me rude? what a shame.. lol. his name is samuel =)

samuel..

when are you going to forgive me? I've been waiting for your forgiveness since last year.. sometimes I wonder.. why should I wait for your forgiveness? I did nothing wrong to you, but you treat me as if I'd done something very wrong to you.. after this year, we may not be seeing each other so often.. can you just put down everything and.. let us be friends back? can? please.. I beg you for the last time. I tried many times, I sms you, try to say 'hi' to you, try to smile to you.. you know Im trying hard, but what's your response and how you react?! you know yourself well.. I thought of giving up before, dont make my life so miserable because of you.. but then I think, if I just give up that way, our friendship ends! WE WERE ONCE VERY BEST FRIENDS!! I know I'd made a mistake, I shouldn't......... that time. sorry.

*lesson for the day: dont simply say 'I love you'

WOOHOO~~!! today is the first day of cny. yay! as I mentioned, Im totally in the mood of it!! so yesterday night, I'd the reunion dinner with my relatives ( my mum side), as my dad's siblings come back only on this morning.. err.. the dinner was.. erm.. erhem.. er? you should know what's my comments on that right.. one thing that I need to mention is.. OUR PUNCTUALITY SUCKS. you know.. the dinner SHOULD start at 7.30pm sharp, my family was late.. we reached there only at 7.45pm, we thought we'll be the last to reach. but when we reached, we had a shock of our lives, we were the 2nd family who reached. we kept waiting until 21 of us reached and it was 8.30pm. -.- ==''

just skip the part on dinner as it really taste not good. I met pun mei yan, our school ex head prefect. actually I'd observed her for quite some time.. I couldn't confirm to myself that it was her as I din wear specs. -.- until she 'hi' to me.. lol. we don't know each other actually, what we know is we are schoolmates. that's it. lol. she some more wish me happy cny. lalalala~~

this morning..
nothing much to write about.. breakfast-visiting some of my relatives-received angpau-lunch-taking photos
quite fun taking photos =] hees

will be going to kl this coming sat. my uncle house warming and open house. wheeeeeeeeeee. he's so rich man.. this will be the his 4th house since i was 1 years old. =]

p/s. keep your mouth shut please.. i can be very patient SOMETIMES, but im getting fed up. oh please.. today is the 1st day of cny, don't force me to scold you with bad words. yea. i know.. im getting rebellious recently. so what?! you better don't interrupt my things okay.. i know, very well i know.. you always dont like me, and please remember I AM TOO.

today i went to visit some relatives ( my mum side). i really get very frustrated with the ques 'why don't you join all the cousins, talk with them bla bla bla', they used to ask that ques. my answer is WE ARE OF DIFFERENT CHANNEL! i dont think i can communicate well with them, especially thaaaaaaaaatttttttt very particular family with thaaaaaaaatttttt very particular auntieim fed up with, whom i wish to ask her to keep her mouth shut so much. but then i know, i cant as she's my elderly. you know.. she used to interrupt my things, please laa. IF YOU ARE REALLY THAT FREE, TEACH YOUR CHILDREN 1ST LAA. i dont need you to teach me. i repeat, I DONT NEED. you thought who are you..you are only my auntie okay. you want me to respect you? respect yourself and respect me first. bu shuang? dont talk with me, keep away from me.. better still. =p pointing to that bunch of people.. they always act and behave as if they are so uneducated, yet they like to show off. i wonder.. what good qualities they have to show off? i really cant stand!!!!!

i can be very friendly.. with the other bunch of relatives, i can stay happily with them. we chat and talk with the same experience and topics we have. but definitely not with YOU ALL. heyy. the problem is not with me, you all din approach me, before? i can imagine.. if i approach them, they will show me that kind of face.. which i wish to slap on it so much.
i shouldn't use harsh words to scold my elderly, shouldn't scold bad words on cny, but ARE YOU TESTING MY PATIENCE?! you should be grateful that i din ask you to f*ck off. you better watch out if you still continue behaving so. if my volcanic erupts... (just try to imagine)
* no offence to the others. of course some of them are highly educated, who im proud of them.. some are friendly too. im here especially pointing to that very particular xxxx.

once again, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR..
happy valentine to all the valentine girls and boys =]
happy birthday yee theng, 15/2

soooo fast, today is the day before cny's eve... whee. I am looking forward to the reunion dinner and so on. but sigh.. time flies, after cny, after my bday, after sports day.. everything will back to normal. busy school life with tons of homework and tuition everyday. nothing special, nothing to look forward.. =( I like cny lots, especially the days before while everyone is busy preparing, cny songs everywhere, decorating, cleaning etc. undeniable, everyone is

IN THE MOOD OF CELEBRATING CNY~~!!

ms. cheong gave quite a lot of add maths homework actually, I did a few and started to get frustrated.. and so I'm here : )

school was okay for this week.. quite happy too, for no reason.. as long as nothing upset me, I consider the overall mood for the week as HAPPY =]

at last I told someone on how I feel towards my friends around, feeling much better after that. lalalala~~

chat with phui shi recently, learnt something from her = )

went to parade mp today, with michelle and lu shing.. yummy

taking this chance to thanks CYBER CAFE!! yupp, it's cyber cafe.. cyber cafe makes my cny hols meaningful, SECARA TAK LANGSUNG. hahahahaha... heees... lalalala.... wakaka.... lol.

worrying for the sukan tara after cny hols. Im going to have high jump on my birthday.. oh gosh. Im wondering... HOW TO JUMP? I dont want to get malu on that day.. please. EXCUSE ME FROM JUMPING, CAN?

i miss you

I shall blog about this 2 days.. many things happened on me, erm.. indescribable, complicated yet silly and something stupid. hard to tell!!! I realized I always failed to describe and express my feelings.. idk the real way to let people know how I feel.. when idk how to express my feelings, I cry.. so, in people's eyes, I cry extremely easily and crying seems part of my everyday life.. people begin to ignore me when I cry. nope, I should say 'they used to my crying dy' ~~!! I cry, not because I want my friends to pity me or what.. I just want them to notice someone around them is feeling not good, sad, disappointed etc.. but oh! my dear friends are just soo.... erhem.

yesterday, I cried. It was the 1st time I cried so 'heavily' in 2010. it was about 11 something at night, I cried until 1am. I remembered the time very well because I was holding my pon and waiting for my friends' reply.. of course, none of them replied me, it was so late that time, everyone slept.. leaving me alone crying besides my bed.. I dare not cry loudly, wailing like a baby.. I used to do that when I am alone in my house. but yesterday night, while I was crying besides the bed, my sis was on the bed.. I afraid that I may wake her up. and my reason of crying so terribly was .............................................(skip)..................................................................

then. I woke up at 5am.. ya. it's 5AM. went the store with my family for cny stuffs. lol. my mum said go earlier, less people wor. lol. of course still got people queueing all that tho it was so early, but the crowd wasn't that thick as previous years.. economic crisis? people no money? so less people arh.. tho cny is just around the corner.
saw a sales man, he asked me:

" wa! so late havent sleep ar? so good.. accompany your mummy to buy things.."
=.= " "I already woke up"

it means all the sales men havent go back home and sleep ar? kesian nya.. haha. anyway, I can understand why he thought I havent go for bed... MY EYES WERE SO SWELL THAT TIME! it was exactly like a few days din sleep.. I cried that night ma.. -.-

I saw woon hwan at store. she looked so tired.. she damn leng lui de lorh.. fair, slim, sweeeeet girl. tho idk her much, we were classmates for 2 years, glad to know her.. =]

then I went to market with my mummy.. actually I was very tired that time, but I insist to go to feeeeeel the cny atmosphere. XD market was so much crowded..

at kc leong tuition, I heard something .......................................................................................................................................................................

* that is all today.. lol. it's 10.40pm now.. cant sleep yet. tomorrow is LEI VOON'S 17 BIRTHDAY. I have to stay awake and wait till sharp 12am to wish her a happy birthday. hahah.. QB, see.. I so good to you XDD

to xxx:
i just hope some appreciation from you..

that day, fri. if not mistaken was 立春. eggs can 'stand' on that day one.. tho idk which theory explains this, but it's real man.. my dad told me they tried in his school.. 30 over eggs managed to stand. geng nya.. but when I tried at home...




















(with my finger pressing) 'stand.. stand.. stand!'




















TT the egg falls.. I FAILED





























the store. super markets aare fulled of CNY decorations and stuffs for new year.. whee















today, I failed to concentrate in homework.. while doing add maths, I opened my drawer and saw this.. this is actually part of a note 1 of my friend gave to me 2 years ago.. it was during pmr trial.. (lol. wana see what she wrote?? blek. =p this pic is blur.. and it's ny part of the note.. )