there isn't any before and after

I have many things to say.. but idk how to start and how to end as these things have no ending.. this is my last year in high school, most probably, I hope I can leave amc with all indelible memories, especially memories with all 5s6 classmates and other besties. but seems this simple hope which can actually be fulfilled easily cracks into pieces. no peace anymore I know. I've been quite happy recently, supposed.. but things that happened in between really put me in trouble and make me frustrating all days. actually I don't really care until I saw 'the heart of yours changed'.. I know very well it's referring me.. but what to do? DEEP IN MY HEART I KNOW I DIDN'T. sometimes, to find some one who understand you is a task or should I say something impossible.. so, just let it. don't care, don't ask, pretend to be stupid, act as if I dk everything is the best way right? is the only way too.

I won't care about others, as long as I have YOU as my friend, I think I should be grateful. we don't value on number of friends we have, but how sincere your friend is. one true friend is way far than a bunch of normal friends.. may be they don't und me, but true friends will und eventually..right? hopefully they are.. keep my finger cross *actually idk what it means, people use it when they are hoping of something which can be achieve or cannot be achieve right?

aiya.. I really tak larat to care dy.. I cry when I care something too much.. I shouldn't cry when problems arise. if these thing ditakdirkan to be solved, then it'll be fine. otherwise, cry till blind also useless. lol. lesson learned..

suddenly i remember a line, something like 'i m still a malay, not much difference from you' in si tenggang. I should say I AM STILL ME, THE ONE BEFORE, NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE FROM THE OLD ME, is you all who don't understand what I really want from a friend..